Who is Mr (Miss) Right?

Mr / Miss Right is someone who…

  • Is cheerful
  • Is consistent
  • Is supportive
  • Talks to you
  • supports your learning
  • Tells you that you look good
  • Tells you that you are competent
  • Uses your name
  • Trusts you and your judgement
  • Welcomes your friends and family
  • encourages you to be independent
  • Admits when s/he is wrong
  • Does his/her share of housework
  • shares financial responsibility accordingly
  • takes responsibility
  • is an equal parent
  • treats you as an equal and with him or her you always know that you are loved and feel secure, safe and happy

and a good partner will…..

Be nice to you (civil, kind, courteous)

Be with you because they want to but not because they need to (needing a partner for money or to do practical chores or for sex is different to wanting someone for who they are)

Allow you space to be yourself (without getting stroppy or jealous – recognise that sometimes you may just prefer to do something alone and it is not a rejection of them)

Look to their own faults and take responsibility for their part in problems within the relationship

Remember you are not perfect and neither are they

Be honourable (honest, compassionate, have integrity, be thoughtful)

Put you first or have you in their top 3 priorities at any given time

Say they love you in words as well as other ways (allowing you a lie in, running errands on your behalf, cooking dinner, helping you out with a problem, in fact everything they do that they don’t have to do is their way of saying I love you)

Be a hero / heroine for your you

Work with you together as a team – the best teams have people with different strengths

Never belittle you – even if they are angry with you they will never air your dirty linen in public

Help you to fulfil your goals, ambitions and plans (whatever it is you want to do)

Be the first to say sorry (or be able to say sorry)

Accept that if you are not happy it could be their problem – your problems are their problems

Won’t put you on a pedestal and expect you to stay there

Know when to listen and when to act

Never stop trying to be attractive for you

Will give praise, thanks, reassurance and encouragement; will be your life coach

Won’t try to be your parent

Will want you to be involved in their life (their family, work, friends and interests)

If things you do or say annoy them they will be able to say (preferably with humour and kindness)

Will go that extra step to try to please you (they will deliver or over deliver)

Always be pleased to see you

Keep some independence and want you to keep yours too

Have friends that you may find a bit boring or mildly irritating but if you actively dislike or hate the company they keep remember that your partner is part of that group

Reassure you and help you to feel safe with them rather than cause you to constantly feel jealous and unsettled

Make time for you, spend quality time with you, want to spend time with you and prioritise you

Share the workload with you

Trust you and give you responsibility

Not need to nag you

Make love lovingly (loving sex means with courtesy, respect, trust, consideration and care) and without pressure, coercion or force.

Not make decisions for you or try to control you – this will undermine your self confidence & self esteem

Listen to what you say and read between the lines with what you don’t say (most day to day arguments are about something else)

Respect your privacy and not invade it

Treat you better than their best friend

Not be offended if you want some space

Give you presents or gifts (on birthdays or as appropriate)

Be consistent and stable

Be generous financially

Understand that whilst you are both together in the relationship you are both choosing to be

Not be a Martyr

Work with you to agree to what works and the rules and boundaries in your relationship – if one person does not want something but the other does, someone has to compromise.

Do their best to put themselves in your shoes

Do their best to get on with your family and friends – they are part of the package

Talk to you and communicate in a way that is courteous and at times entertaining, interesting, informative and helpful for you

(A good partner will… is taken from Richard Templar’s book The Rules of Love)
ISBN: 978-0273-72025-6)

Melanie Phelps

Melanie Phelps Portrait

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